All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
my poor anus
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
