Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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