Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Come see our sink grown plant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
not ubering you a puppy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
