i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's rum buckets o'clock
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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