Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize