How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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