your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
