So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
