Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
