And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
