I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
