carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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