Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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