My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize