My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
