just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
