Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
