Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
