i already hear my dad disowning me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
