I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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