The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
