Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
