Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
