I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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