Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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