I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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