just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Drake has all the answers
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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