3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
