I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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