I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
