ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
