he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
