oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
