haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
