this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
