i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize