new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
