Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
