Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
