Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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