What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
