You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
