I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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