There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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