oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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