I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
