you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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