The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
