I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
