She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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