If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you had me at cake vodka
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You pole danced in your parka.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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