my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
