Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
