You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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