dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
