Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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