now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
