hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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