dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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