elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my liver is dry heaving
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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