It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I FOUND THE LEGS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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