I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
