An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
