Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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